20! Twenty! Vingt! Zwanzig! XX!

Yes, it's true, I've lost 20 pounds!  Oh, I am so excited by this.  Srsly.

I'm not normally able to feel proud of myself for very long, but I was able to make it last almost a whole day!  LOL!  If I hadn't been sidelined by something, I likely would've run with this feeling of pride for a bit longer.

Yep, there I am.  Evil over one shoulder, and a sweet 1950's housewife over the other.  Totally not planned, but oh so appropriate.

I've been walking with a sprinkling of jogging in my beloved forest, and I can feel the difference in my capabilities.  No longer do I have to stop mid-way on the steep grades, I can just keep on truckin'.  Of course I'm panting along the way, but my motivation is that I can rest when I get to the top.  The air is crisp right now and it's just perfect for exercising.  I do dread the crappy weather.  With it comes months of treadmill.  That sucks balls (and not in the good way).

Now I focus on the next 5 pound block of weight loss.  Wait, wait.  I forgot to mention that I had set a mini-goal for myself during that first 20 pounds.  I am now giving myself permission to get ma hairs did!  I had totally put the freeze on that luxury until I hit the magic mark.  Can't wait!

There have been some serious bumps along the way, but not the type I was expecting.  As it turns out, I have to be much stronger in self than I thought.  Yes, the physical aspects of this are a challenge, but the mental challenges are by far so much more difficult.  Not only am I having to struggle with myself, but there have been some people who almost seem like they are trying to sabotage my success.  I'm sure when faced with a direct question about their actions would say I was nuts (and I am), but I know I'm right on this one.  For the first time in my life I have to make something entirely about me.  It's a lot tougher than you'd think!

Also, a friend of mine gave me some good, motivational advice:  Eyes on the prize!  Simple, sweet, and has totally worked.  Thank you so much!  Yesterday G-ram was eating a trough's load of Hallowe'en treats and I just said 'no'.  Tonight I baked chocolate chip cookies (and dang, I'm a good baker), and I only ate one... the smallest one.  Eyes on the prize, yo.

Must.  Learn.  Patience.  I want to be down another 20 already.  Patience, grasshopper.

Thanks for sticking around, my dear readers.

A+

Indulging, Ex-Lax, and panic!

So there's both good and bad news, once again.

Good news?  I'm down to 191 pounds.
Bad news?  I'm getting ridiculously obsessed with every last ounce of food I put into my body, as well as every little ounce that goes on, or off.

Stunning how obsessed I can get with my weight.  I either don't give a shit, and end up fatter than I ever imagined I could get.  Or, I care so much that my poor body doesn't get enough food.

Okay, okay.  I need a better plan.  First of all, last week I had insomnia for 4 days.  Consequently, I didn't walk as much as I should've, or even wanted to.

When I got home in the wee hours on Friday night, I staggered over to the scale (fucked, I know) and weighed myself.  I was thrilled!  The scale read 190 pounds.  I was so excited to reach my goal of 189 pounds by Monday's weigh-in, and then got super disappointed when on Sunday I randomly gained 2 pounds.  Yep.  For the first time in the last month, I put some weight on.  This was extremely difficult for me to handle.  See, I like to understand things, and I just couldn't understand what was happening.  So guess what I did?  Ensured that I ate like a piglet.  Sigh.  Will I never learn?  We went to Cora's for breakfast and I got the Eggs Benedictine with Swiss cheese and asparagus.  Even though it wasn't very hot (fuckers, I waited so long too) I ate it.  Ate one point there was a slimy bit in the egg, you know, the clear jelly-like stuff that refuses to cook, and I remembered how vile eggs are.  I literally gagged and almost chundered on the table.

Chicken periods!!  Gross.

I was so tired from being a domestic goddess that last night we had pizza.

You'll never guess how I combatted the level of guilt:  I took 2 extra-strength Ex-Lax.  The funny thing is, it came to haunt me, so hopefully I won't do that again.  This morning when I was back in the forest (such a beautiful day!) I actually thought I might shit myself.  No joke.  I frickin' motored home in a crampy, bloated panic.  I'm feeling distinctly bloated today, very post-fried-peanut butter- and-banana-sandwiches-Elvis kinda thing.  I tried to put on a pair of jeans that when I wore them the other day were a bit loose, and today, I couldn't even do them up!  What the eff?


As an aside, I noticed that every time I walk by river banks, or over bridges, etc. I look for dead bodies.  Weird.  One day I wonder if I'll ever see someone's bloated boo-boo?

Food intake:
2 rice cakes
1 light Babybel
1 tbsp almond butter
1 medium Ida Red apple
2 cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda
5 slices of pickled beet

I'll keep updating the food intake until the end of today, but I want to post this entry now... 'cause I'm so patient!

Week 6; must kick ass!

A+

Bonjour!

There's nothing to fear.  

I've been a pretty good girl, and kept up mainly with my eating well and exercising.  If I were a child, being called a pretty good girl would be awesome.  Thing is, I should be a very good girl.

My birthday weekend spawned some drinking of el boozo, and then some crap eating, but not much.  My busy schedule however has tried very hard to sabotage my exercise and consumption of whole foods.  Fuckity.

The good news is my weight is: 194 pounds (how that can be good news, I don't know)

The fantastic news is that my self-esteem is getting better each day that I don't feel like as much of a heifer.

I've been at this for 28 days now.  Hmm, a whole lady cycle.  Interesting.

Today I measure myself.  Please bear with me as I get out the dreaded tape of doom.

Here are my original stats:

Neck: 14" or 35.5 cm
Upper arm:  13.5"or 35 cm
Forearm:  10.5" or 27 cm
Wrist:  6.25" or 16 cm
Chest (with bra...sadly, there would be a difference without!):  42.5" or 108 cm
Under boob:  38.25" or 97.5 cm
Waist:  38.5" (OMFG) or 98.5 cm
Biggest part of tummy:  43.25" or 110.5 cm (always a disaster when you've got a boobie-do)
Thigh:  26" or 66.5 cm
Hips:  42" or 107.5 cm
Calf:  16.75" or 43 cm
Ankle:  9" or 23.5 cm

Here are my current stats:

Neck:  13 3/4"  (-1/4")

Upper arm:  13 1/2"  (same)

Forearm:  10 1/2"  (same)

Wrist:  6 1/4"  (same)

Chest:  42"  (- 1/2")

Under boob:  36"  (-2.25")

Waist:  36 1/2"  (-2")

Biggest part of tummy:  42 1/2"  (-3/4")

Thigh:  25 1/4"  (-3/4")

Hips:  40 1/2"  (-1 1/2")

Calf:  15 3/4"  (-1/2")

Ankle:  9"  (same)

Total inches lost = 8!

It's not great, but it's something.  I haven't been doing any body specific exercises, but I will now.  My arms waggle when I wave.  Not cool.  This must stop.  My tummy is definitely gunt style.  This must stop.

Nonetheless, I am 8 inches smaller, and 13 pounds less than I was 28 days ago.  Go team!

By the by, if I seem to have gone off track, I really would appreciate prying e-mails, or comments, scathing or encouraging.  I really want to continue, but I may need assistance sometimes.

Ta very much.

Onward ho!  Wait, did I just call myself a ho?

A+

Lazy piece o'...

Yep, I feel like I was a lazy git today.  Now that I've not been lazy for 2 weeks, being lazy feels bad.  It was rainy today and my legs wouldn't get me out the door.  I spent the whole morning being decadent; I lay in bed for the longest time reading, Ulysses.  I suppose we all deserve (one) day like this every so often.


I can't help but cast my mind forward to this weekend.  There could be eating troubles that will challenge me.  With my birthday happening this weekend, I will have the challenges not only of Thanksgiving meal, but a cake, as well as dinner out on Friday night, as well as boozy drinks.  I suppose there's that old adage about everything in moderation...I also like to add:  including moderation.  Sometimes you have to not care.


Wish I'd taken a 'before' picture.  I always love those before and after shots where somebody is standing proudly with giganta-pants pulled out to the sides.  I suppose I could take one now.  I have a HORRIBLE picture that was taken of me during the summer, prolly the worst picture ever.  I may use that as my before pic.

I think it's time to show you the goal dress.  The only thing different about this picture is that my dress is red with tiny black polka dots.  I pretty much love every dress ever made by Stop Staring! and I think G will be made broke once I can fit into these gorgeous frocks (and look fabulous).  I used to dress like that every day, but then once I stopped working, I found myself in the jeans and t-shirt uniform, getting fatter and fatter.  Anyway.  No more.

Consumption of Mass Quantities:
Flat bagel thingy from PC
1 tbsp cream cheese (I was lured by a commercial for Laughing Cow today and wooed by the 35 calories per wedge.  Must buy.  Regular cream cheese is 45 calories per tablespoon!)
2 x cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda
1 Blue Menu tortilla
2 leaves of lettuce
1 medium carrot
3 slices of beet
1 red pepper
1/4 onion
1/2 celery stalk
Small portion of white old cheddar (aka yumminess)
1 tbsp mango chutney
1 cup whole grain pasta (actually I couldn't finish it, so it was prolly 2/3 cup or less)
1/4 cup vegetarian bolognese sauce (so low in calories and fat, but high in protein)
1 tomato
1 tbsp olive oil
1 (plus a bite) frozen yogurt smoothie bar (SO GOOD and only 90 calories)
1 glass Coke Zero
NO WATER :(

In the spirit of mango, I encourage you to watch this hilarious video about a mango.  This song is sung pretty much daily in our household, usually accompanied by squealing, running, and dancing.  So fun!

A+

Quality Control

What's with the lack of quality control in our lives these days?  The shops are in a constant state of chaos; the people who work in the shops are (for the most part) vapid excuses for human beings; nobody seems to care.  Well ya know what?  I care.

The more quality control I can bring to my life, the better.  Yeah, I'm anal as fuck, but when it comes down to brass tacks, it's because I expect the best from people.  Whoa, serious breakthrough with my own psyche.  I tend to expect the best from people at all times, yet seem unable or unwilling to reciprocate, at least when it comes taking care of myself.  Give me a job to do and I'll likely do it to the best of my ability, and possibly even push the hell out of myself to go above and beyond what I knew I could at the outset of the task.

So why not adhere to that same level of q.c. all the time?  From this day forward, I will try my fucking best.  I swear.  And no, that doesn't mean I'm going to become a Stepford Wife.  That being said, there is a 1950's housewife in me; the Wife and Mom who beams rainbows out her valiumed being, all the while dressed in a frouffy outfit with fresh lippy on.

Today brings with it the start of week 3 of my new focus on health and fitness.  There have been a few bumps along the way, but nothing major.

This morning I found a lovely 45 minute walk/lung blaster of a journey through the forest.  I force myself up and down hills that aren't necessary, and feel all the better for it afterwards.  Not too long into my walk this morning I came face to face with a coyote on the path.  I was scared.  It was scared.  I thought we stared at one another for an eternity, but it was likely only a second or two.  In a panic I jingled my keys at it and it bolted.  I came so close to turning around and going home, but I forced myself to 'grow a set' and keep moving.  There is no denying I was worried about the fact that I am surfing the crimson wave.  Now that I've looked it up though, it's moose that love the pheromones of a woman riding the cotton pony, not coyotes.  (Do you say coyotes, or coyotees?)

Down 8 pounds over the last 2 weeks; not bad.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am feeling better for it, and I felt even better when I shopped in my own closet this morning.  I'm wearing jeans that I couldn't have fit into 2 weeks ago.  That deserves a 'hell yeah'!

The Universe loves me, btw.  I drove all the way to Vaughan Mills and found the gorgeous boots I was lusting after in my last post.  Thanks, shopping goddesses; my prayers came answered.

That is all.

A+

The boots.

I found a pair of boots that have needled their way so far into my brain that I'm starting to go (even more) bonkers!  I first saw these delightful and fun boots at Style Sense.  Totally cool, totally reasonably priced, and we fell in love.  Sadly, my size was unavailable.  They are made by a company that I LOVE:  Irregular Choice.   So why am I telling you about these boots?  Well, not only are they great looking, but they are getting me to exercise more.  I was all over a couple of different cities today looking for these damn boots.  I wanted to hit as many stores as possible, so I legged it as quickly as I could.  Too funny.  What's that?  You want to see the boots?  Okay :)

In other news, I jogged today.  I know, it seems strange, but I really did it!  For the first time in my life, I felt like I finally knew how to use my legs.  No shit.  I don't know whether it was because I was jogging in the forest, or whether I was just in really good spirits, but I felt like I was bounding through the wooded mania!  A really cute guy was jogging towards me at one point (I was huffing and puffing) and smiled.  He almost looked mischevious.  As it turns out, when I jog my nipples go hard.  Yeah, you read that right.  My boobs might as well have had flashing lights on the ends of them.  At some point I may need to invest in some proper workout gear.

My birthday is quickly approaching!  I wonder if I'll get zapped into space by aliens?  See this year the dates and time of my birthday are unique:  10/10/10, born at 10:10.  Srsly.  I'm going to have to make sure to look divine on that day, just in case I find myself on a trip to Gliese 581g.  Hmm, in looking up the name of the planet, I've just fueled my conspiracy theory fire; it's location is in the constellation libra... my astrological sign.  (hand quickly covers mouth and muffles a quick shriek of air intake)

Food intake has been good, albeit still likely not enough.  With the communists on their way down (euphemism) I have been really hungry and wanting of chocolate.  Last night I indulged in a decadent as fuck chocolate mousse and by the gods it was worth every single fucking calorie (300).  Husband wolfed his, but not I, no, not I.  I savoured mine.  

What a gal posting, eh?  Boots, boys, chocolate, and talk of surfing the crimson wave.  Don't want to mess with perfection.

A+

Comfort food

Mmm, food is a source of comfort for me.  As it happens, I also celebrate with it, cry with it, binge it, use it as a tool for self-punishment, and encouragement.  Parents bribe their kids with it, and conversely withhold it if the child doesn't do what their told.  It's a social statement, a political statement, and a status symbol.  At one point in life, the more voluptuous or rubenesque a woman was, the better.  It was a sign of wealth.  Fast forward to nowadays, and a thin, svelte woman is considered powerful, alluring, and successful.  What gives?  Could it really be Twiggy that set this all off?

When my parents were living in Korea, my Mom was getting measured for a custom-made leather jacket.  The tailor was taking her measurements and warned her when he reached her stomach area; he was going to measure her 'prosperity'.  I laughed! 

In the land of fast food, junk food, and convenience foods, we need to take a step back and really think about what food is, and why we eat it.  It sounds obvious, I know.  Thing is, if it was so easy to figure out, there wouldn't be such a problem with obesity.  There wouldn't be 2,000 calorie milkshakes to go along side a 1,500 calorie burger, not to mention the gigantic fries.

Over the course of the last 7 days I have been really trying to taste my food, not just inhale it.  The food I have been making is delicious, albeit a bit light.  Most of the recipes I've been using are from my vegan cookbooks written by Sarah Kramer and Tanya Barnard, cute and inspiring vegans from B.C.  The recipes are simple, honest, wholesome, healthy, ethical, and quick (mostly).  I guess because I've been eating a lot of fatty and salty foods over the last few months, the meals I'm making from home are seeming light on taste, or so I thought.  Once I slowed down, and really chewed my food, even let it linger in my mouth for a moment, I tasted it's depth.

I don't want to be another statistic. 

I don't want Type 2 Diabetes. 

I want to be able to run and play with my son without stressing about my bouncy boobies. 

I want to spend a long and happy life with my family.

Aside from all the obvious, and somewhat sappy shit, it irritates me to no end that I've become part of the masses.  Yet another poor sucker lured in by corporate bullshit.  I don't shop at Walmart because of their poor labour practices, their corporate bullying and their greed.  For goodness sakes, they have McDonald's right inside their premises!  How as a society did we allow this to happen?  Cheap, cheap food and goods, in trade for fat tummies, poverty, and fear. 

I keep typing and retyping negative statements about myself.  I write it, then read it, and am quite horrified by the things that I think.  Dang.  I've got to step it up and start caring again, not only about myself, but the world that I live in.  Less junk food = less packaging = less waste = less pollution = less junk... then we're just left with food.  Interesting.

Anyway, I'm on a bit of an exhausted rant!  Dare I say, food for thought?

Consumption of Mass Quantities:
1/2 orange juice watered down
3/4 cup Honey Shreddies with 1/2 cup 1% milk
2 cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda
Blue Menu mac 'n' cheese (rainy day splurge = 360 calories)
Pudding cup (60 calories)
1 large plum (mega sour!)
Water
1 cup homemade vegan lentil stew (chock o' block with veggies)
1 small homemade vegan fancy biscuit
1 tsp butter
1 square 70% cocoa chocolate (60 calories)
Multiple dashes of Frank's Red Hot sauce; still puttin' that shit on everything

There was no exercise today.  I didn't even feel guilty about it, I was happy to make food, and curl up by myself today.  I figure feeding my soul is important too.  HA HA HA!  Imagine I was seriously talking soul talk?!  HA HA HA!!

I'z out.

A+

 

All's well.

I decided that on the weekends, there will not be a blog post.  Of course on occasion, I will possibly need to vent, but for the most part, I won't be working on here.

Thank you to all who have sent me your support, and gripes.  Gripes?  You may ask...

Apparently I had muzzled the general public from saying anything to me.  Ha!  Well folks, my time as Kim Jong Il is over.  You can have a say!  The comments are enabled.

Friday I was met with my first time lunching at Holt Renfrew, or Holt's, as the well-versed call it.  I was unsure of so many things, not least of which was what to wear!?!  I figured since Holt's (I'm now a seasoned luncher there, so we're on a first name basis, Holt and I), caters to stick insects, the menu would be full of healthy choices.  Uh, no.  I ended up ordering a shandy (which was pronounced 'shanty' by our waiter...); very bad start, the shandy, not our waiter.  From there I ordered from the very slim pickings for vegetarians, and ordered the oven-roasted tomato, buffalo milk mozzarella, roasted garlic, and fresh basil tartines.  Yes, it was a delicious as it sounds.  I was stressed to the gills after eating it.  Sigh.  I wish I could've just enjoyed it without thinking about becoming buffalo-sized after indulging.

All-in-all, I was pretty good with my eating over the course of the weekend.  I allowed myself some treats, but nowhere near as many as normal.  As many as normal would feed a couple of families - no shit.  Even when I spoke to my Dad today he made reference to my perpetual eating the last time I was visiting them.

I exercised on Friday, walked around all day on Saturday in Niagara Falls (that day kicked ass!), even got up early on Sunday morning and delved into the forest once again.  I have finally figured out the forest, at least a route that I like and can get home from without being met with Highway 5, or the bible bearing.  The coveted route takes 1 hour and 20 minutes (at this point).

One thing that happened today has thrown me off mentally.  I went out for my walk this morning around 10:30 a.m. and on my way back down Upper Middle, the teenagers from the local Catholic school (note:  just realized I'm surrounded by bible folk...) were trundling along the sidewalk, so I stopped at the lights and crossed over.  As I was crossing the street a teen boy mooed at me.  Srsly.  I could feel myself slow down a bit, as my brain was processing the stinging insult.  Am I really big enough to be mooed at?  As it happens, yes.  I could already feel the pull towards the store to stock up, and stuff in, junk food.  I didn't go through with it, but I was close.  His words hurt, and I felt humiliated.

Why on earth would anyone slag someone trying to improve themselves?  Yeah, yeah, I know you're probably saying to yourself something about how much teenagers suck, and that they can be cruel and callous, but I recognize that.  Point is, I've given them the ammo.

I have approached this go at getting fit, by telling myself I don't care about the scale (so far that's a lie), I'm not doing it for a special event (so far that's a lie), I'm not doing it to fit into a specific outfit (yep, that's a lie too), and now I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not doing it because I don't want to be mooed at.  This has to be about me.  This has to be about quality of life.

Tbh, I don't want to bring shame on my son at school.  I have visions of the Wee Man being Gilbert Grape, and I'm his Mom, Bonnie... morbidly obese, unable to get out of the house, and all of my kid's friends peeking through the window mocking me.  My son suffering.  So melodramatic, I know.  That's how my brain goes though.  I need more Leslie Hall in my life.

I'm uncertain if I'm going to calorie count anymore; it takes so much time, time that I just don't have.  Food diary continues.  Exercise diary continues.

Consumption of Mass Quantities:
1/2 cup orange juice watered down
1 cup Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda
7 fake chicken strips (332 calories...felt the need to justify that one.  Spread over lunch and dinner)
Big salad with 1 tbsp dressing
3/4 cup fettucine
1/2 vegetarian bolognese (60 calories!!)
1 cookie (75 calories)
Water... didn't track, but had quite a lot

Exercise:
55 minutes of walking as briskly as possible without jogging

Yeah, so that's it for today.  Oh, I almost forgot; I lost 5 pounds since last weigh in, one week ago.

"Don't blame me, blame my booty" - Leslie Hall

Moo!
A+

Tummy growling, and baby alligator toilet bowls.

For one of the first times in my life, I'm able to take advice.  Seems like an easy thing to do, but in fact, when you're like me, and hop back and forth thinking you know everything, to thinking you know nothing, it's no easy task to take advice.

So many of you have e-mailed me, and giving me support already that it's made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Like the days when I'd get a new puffy sticker of a unicorn or something, and I'd treasure it and nurture it in my sacred little sticker book.  I must admit, today I had a moment of panic.  Why did I invite anyone to look at this blog?!  Sigh, now I have to follow through with what I said I would do.  Clearly I'm not in the right mindset yet.

This morning's breakfast was a real kicker; so many calories!  I had two back-to-back meetings, so I wanted to eat something that would stay with my tummy until lunchtime.  I also ate an apple during the first meeting.  Etiquette police can rest well, as I cut the apple up in slices, I didn't just tuck in hog style.  During the meeting I heard a tummy growl and was thrilled that it wasn't mine.  I don't know why, but it's such a centre shot!

One thing I've learned from all y'all is that we each have our own struggles.  I live in a perfect world...in my head.  A place where nobody cares about money, material crap, body image, and we care that there are people starving and suffering in the world, and we want to help them.  I know this will never happen in my time on this planet, but one can dream.

Now just for shits and giggles I'm going to randomly give quirky facts about me.  Here is today's:  Before I can go use the toilet, I have to lift the lid to make sure there aren't any baby alligators, or snakes in the bowl.  Srsly.  I have been doing this ever since I heard the first 'wives tale' about people sneaking baby alligators back with them from Florida.  Ya know, they panic and flush the little bugger, only to make it's way into another toilet.

I haven't exercised today, and I'm not going to.  I'm tired.  When I got home this afternoon I promptly fell asleep.  Napping is very rare for me, so I didn't beat myself up over it.  I am in a touch of a guilt wave about not exercising, but I'll live with it for today and make up for it tomorrow morning after I send Callum off on the bus.  Wow.  Justify, justify, justify.  Can I get a witness?  And for the love of god, please click on the link for Can I Get A Witness and hear the fab Dusty Springfield belt out this butt shaker of a song!

Tomorrow I might just be ready to tell you about my perfect, gorgeous, sexy, goal dress.

Consumption of Mass Quantities:
1 12-grain bagel (260 calories... whoa!)
2 tbsp cream cheese (90 calories...whoa!)
1.5 cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda (75 calories)
1 large Fuji apple (110 calories...what the?!)
1 cup vegan chili made by moi (186 calories)
1 mini Light Babybel cheese (50 calories)
Giant salad with baby greens; 4 fake chicken strips; 1/2 red pepper; 1.5 small carrots (250 calories incl. dressing which consisted mainly of dijon mustard, a bit of grapeseed oil, and apple cider vinegar)
2 sugar-free Halls (14 calories)
2 litres water (much better!)

Total calories in:  1,035

A+

Exercise etiquette

A little under the weather today, can't deny it.  I woke up with my tongue clacking around in my mouth like a castanet.  I knew that I had xactly (said zackly) breath too (for those who aren't in the know:  when your breath smells xactly like a badger's butt), so I avoided Graham and cuddled up to my other love, my Blackberry.

Tonight's walk was a bit impromptu, as I had no desire to haul myself off of the couch.  When dinner was done, the boys were going to work on homework and then have ice cream sundaes.  Giving them guy time, and to avoid the sight of an ice cream sundae, I headed out into the forest...at dusk!

Here's the thing about being in the forest at dusk - it sucks.  There are only men weaving their way through the abyss of creatures, fungus, moss, trees and leaves.  Not gonna deny it, a little intimidating.  The good news is, I gunned it!

Today I wasn't so much in la-la-land, and I became very aware of this almost etiquette amongst those exercising in the great outdoors.

Here are the different man folk I encountered today, and there actions towards me:
Me man.  Me ride bike.  (nod)
Me man.  Me love wheels. (nod and grimace)
Me man.  Wife make me take kid out by myself. (avoid eye contact at all costs; balls in tatters)
Me man.  Me walk.  Me no smile. (look, but no expression)
Me man.  Me say hello.  Me say hello to your boobs. (lear)
Me man.  Me mumble something. (make creepy sideways glance)
Me man.  Me dog.  Me no pick up poop. (give sheepish grin)

Then there were the sidewalk exercisers:
Couple #1 - He smiles and says hello.  She grimaces, and quickly averts her eyes.
Couple #2 - He grunts something.  She looks ahead sternly.  He allows his dog's leash to get in my path.
Couple #3 - Heavily cologned and perfumed.  Completely consumed with selves.
Lady walking - Unsure whether or not to say 'hi'.  I say 'hi' and her face breaks into a huge smile.
Lady jogging (barely) - Eyebrow raise.  As in, oh, you're only walking very briskly.  I'm a jogger.

I wonder if sociologists have discovered this seemingly untapped world of human behaviour?!  So interesting.

Here is a picture of me after yesterday's walk, just to prove that I did some form of exercise; note the pink face.  It reminds me of primary and middle school where my nicknames were commonly formed around my skin colour:  Caspar; fog patch (which came with a loving fog horn sound); pinky; lobster, etc.  About as creative as a weight loss blog.


I almost retouched the picture, and then realized this is supposed to be about being honest with myself, and y'all.  So here I am in all my natural, red glory.  Scotland the brave!


Consumption of Mass Quantities:
3/4 cup Honey Shreddies, aka yummy squares of love (160 calories)
1/2 cup 1% milk (50 calories)
PC Blue Menu mac 'n' cheese, aka comfort food b/c I'm not feeling great (360 calories)
1 extra-strong Halls (5 calories... so unfair, I really needed it!)
1 glass of Diet Pepsi
1 tsp ketchup (5 calories)
1 tall skinny vanilla latte (90 calories)
1.5 cups vegetarian chili (recipe from my Dad's heart Doctor) (279 calories)
1 tbsp sour cream (25 calories)
10 dashes of Frank's Red Hot sauce (I put that shit on everything!) (10 calories)
1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda (25 calories)
1 litre water

Total calories in:  1,009
Total calories burned:  290
Net calories looming in my body:  719

Okay, so I won't get discouraged by the number of calories still looming in my system.  I'll just be proud of myself that I even went out to exercise, and took the time to make a divinely yummy chili, in spite of being a bit under the weather.  Yeah, that's it...

Relaxation beckons.

A+

I have muscles in my ass!

Yes, the ol' gluteous maximi are sore today.  Wait; does that mean stretching is important?  Another key oversight.

Ever eaten 'til you feel like you're going to puke?  I have.  Sadly I did it just the other day.  I was at Sobey's and saw these ridiculously iced cinnamon buns.  Like the icing was so thick you could barely see bun.  As I was eating this veritable heart attack, I felt sick.  You know if something's too sweet for me, it's got to be verging on illegal, or ready for removal by Health Canada.  Srsly.  Of course I finished it. Blech.

This one time when we were in Scotland, my Father-in-Law, who has possibly an even greater penchant for the sweets than I, introduced me to Lees Macaroon Bars.  These things are almost like solid sugar, covered in sugared coconut and chocolate.  In-frickin'-sane.  He could wolf one down no probs.  I left mine in the pocket of my seat on Ryan Air on our way to Stockholm; serves them right for making a stink out of excess baggage weight.

I have a hypothesis as to how I got so much bigger since moving to Ontario.  It's my goldfish theory.  See, goldfish grow bigger if their tank gets larger.  When we moved to Ontario, we bought a bigger house than we had in B.C.!  Et voila.  It's not rocket science, dudes.  Side note:  I wanted to make sure I was correct about goldfish growing according to the size of their tank, and I was blown away by how much I'm like a goldfish!  I wonder if there's some magic goldfish diet craze that I could start...?



Consumption of Mass Quantities:

2/3 cup Special K™ Cinnamon Pecan cereal (120 calories)
1/2 cup 1% milk (50 calories)
3 cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda™ (50 calories?)
2/3 cup o.j. watered down (tastes better!) (80 calories)
15g cheddar cheese (45 calories)
1 whole wheat bun (150 calories... fuuuuuck)
1 (fake) chicken burger (100 calories)
1 tsp dijon mustard (5 calories)
1/2 each orange and red peppers (30 calories)
1/2 tbsp hemp seeds (40 calories)
1/2 tbsp mayo (45)
1/2 container apple sauce (25 calories)
2/3 cup fruit cocktail packed in water (45 calories)
Handful o' broccoli (15 calories)
1/3 cup carrots (17 calories)
1/2 Shanghai bok choy spear (is it a spear?) (5 calories)
1.5 leaves of collard greens (never thought I'd say that) (6 calories)
1/4 block of light extra-firm tofu (100 calories)
1 green onion (10 calories)
1 tbsp orange juice & light tamari (10 calories)
Lick of jam... (5 calories)
Small glass of Diet Pepsi™
1 square Lindt 50% cocoa chocolate (53 calories)
1 litre water (ugh, still not enough)

Total calories in:  1,006 (yikes!)
Total calories burned:  Approx. 428
= 578 calories :(

Another walk in the forest.   Critters sited:  2 squirrels; 1 chipmunk; 2 snakes (oh yes, I screamed and said:  "See, this is why I shouldn't come into the forest.  Fuck!"); 1 large spider.

I'm outtie.

A+

If you went down in the woods today...

...you sure got a big surprise! An odd lumbering creature of all black was huffing, puffing and sometimes blurting out expletives.

I decided to haul my ever-expanding arse out of bed, (yes I went back to bed after Wee Man left for school) and go for a walk. It's a gorgeous day today, sun is shining, leaves are changing colour, temperature is near perfect...really no excuse for staying inside.

Goal: Very brisk walk through the trails near my house, for one hour.

Thinking that I'd only be gone for one hour, I didn't head out armed with any supplies, just a good attitude and a desire for lard removal. Of course being as absent-minded as I am, I didn't bother to check the map on the trails, of which there is only one. I trotted past it at a great rate of speed. After what seemed like an eternity of several moments of completely bricking it from sounds in the woods, I wondered if I should turn back. See, I didn't look at the map, so I wasn't sure how long the trail would take that I had chosen to follow. Meh, screw it! As I trudged along another unending curve, I was really feeling the fact that I had no water.

H20, yo. What was I thinking?! Talk about a newbie error.

I finally made it to the end of the trail only to be met with Highway 5. Huh? What city has a trail end at a highway that has no pedestrian access? Oh yeah, mine. I went and talked to a Minister who was mowing the lawn at a church to ask how I could get across the bridge of busy cars and construction. "Can't", he said with a big friendly Pentecostal smile. Fuck, I wanted to belt him. It totally wasn't his fault, but being the bearer of bad news and all, I just about lost it. Somehow I managed a thank you, and a warm smile...at least until he was out of earshot. Then you'd have thought Satan herself was meandering through the forest!

Plod, plod, plod... sigh. Oh good a giant hill that needs climbing. Oh, even better... construction workers yelling things at me and whistling. Fantastic, teen boys smoking dope and acting all menacing. Little do they know I'd effing shred them if they come near me right now. Oh yes, I was foul by this point.

Life cheered up a bit when I passed a really cool pond that housed several herons (?) who were stalking their lunches. Then I heard loads of cars again. What the? No way. I was back at Highway 5 again, but luckily I was just on the other side of the bridge. I walked along the side of the highway, then down in through the dreaded subdivisions. The suburbs are bizarre.

The really good news? By the time I got home, I had been walking for 2 hours and 20 minutes. Not bad! I must've stimulated some lard burning with that :)

When I took my weight this morning I was nothing shy of horrified! Ya know, when you think it can't be as bad as it's feeling? You think you must be overreacting. Nope. Not this time. Brace yourselves as you read the horror that is my weight: 207 pounds, or 94.09 kilos. Good gord.

I'll also be keeping a food diary here, as well as telling shocking stories of having hid food, binged, etc. For those of you who have kept up with my writings in the past, you may be hit with a bit of duplication, but hopefully not.

Measurements:

Neck: 14" or 35.5 cm
Upper arm:  13.5"or 35 cm
Forearm:  10.5" or 27 cm
Wrist:  6.25" or 16 cm
Chest (with bra...sadly, there would be a difference without!):  42.5" or 108 cm
Under boob:  38.25" or 97.5 cm
Waist:  38.5" (OMFG) or 98.5 cm
Biggest part of tummy:  43.25" or 110.5 cm (always a disaster when you've got a boobie-do)
Thigh:  26" or 66.5 cm
Hips:  42" or 107.5 cm
Calf:  16.75" or 43 cm
Ankle:  9" or 23.5 cm

Not exactly Marilyn Monroe.  It's somewhat Barney-like actually.

Anyway, the whole point is to start the de-lardification process, and today is one day down with good exercise (even if it wasn't intentional), good eating, and no water (remedy...).

Consumption of mass quantities:
1 1/4 cup Special K™ cereal (110 calories)
1/2 cup 1% milk (60 calories)
2 cuppas with milk and Splenda (?)
Cheese string (yucky, but I was starving) (60 calories)
2/3 cup fruit cocktail, packed in water (60 calories)
1 1/2 extra-large eggs (120 calories)
1/2 red pepper (approx. 23 calories)
1/4 white onion (approx. 21 calories)
1/4 cup cheddar cheese (approx. 150 calories)
Salad (negligible)
1/2 tbsp olive oil (approx. 60 calories)
1/2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
6 raisins (5 calories)
1 lick of a jam spoon after scooping it out for Wee Man (gotta stop that) (5 calories)
1 glass of Diet Pepsi™
1 square Lindt™ 50% cocoa chocolate (53 calories)
Total calories in:  727... hmm, not enough
Approximate calories burned through insane forest excursion:  708

Where the eff is my water intake today?  Ouch!

That's it.  I'm effing tired.

Until tomorrow...

A+

A+

For the majority of our school lives, achieving an A+ is a wonderful moment. Now that I'm out of school, I don't want much to say 'plus' beside it, but especially my clothing.

Let me introduce myself: I'm a 35 year old Wife and Mom living in the dreaded suburbs. There are many things I never thought would happen to me. I never thought I'd live in the 'burbs, wearing a size 16, and a messy hairdo. Yes, you correctly read my size, it's a 16. I love photography, making costumes, retro hairstyles, and I have a penchant for most things from the 1950s.

Amazingly, being accountable to myself doesn't seem to be enough, thus the start of this blog. See, I'm going to give the URL to some people in my life that I respect greatly, some of which have properly amazing bodies. It shouldn't matter, but I'll admit it, I compare myself to others whom I feel are better than me, all the freaking time. It's so annoying, but I can't seem to stop.

Recently I went away to Vancouver to visit my Husband's family. During that trip I had a lot of time to think about my life and how much I've rolled over on my back and am just waiting to be eaten by wild dogs. A new and improved Allison hit the streets of Ontario when we got back. A woman who wasn't going to take shit anymore from anyone. No more intimidation. No more of so many things. And yeah, for the first week, I was golden! Man, so many people commented on this new Allison.

Now that we've been back for 3 weeks, I am crawling back into my 'let everyone walk all over me hole'. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." More than ever those words are running around in my head.

This blog will document me shaping not only my mind, my soul, my self, but also my physical body. No longer will I be weak.

Straight shooting is what you'll read here. At times my words may seem harsh, self-defeating, crass, vulgar, honest, warm, and funny. I hope you'll tag along getting to know me, as I get to know myself. And no, there won't be any hippy-dippy shakra cleansing moments. When it comes down to brass tacks, I'm a feisty and funny gal. I'm not on a journey. I'm just really fucking tired of being fat and sad.

Word up, G's.

Be prepared, tomorrow is measurement and weight revealing day. The only way I can learn to be comfortable in my own skin is to let the world know the real me, not the one sucking in her stomach!

"Let's get physical!" - Olivia Newton John (hahahaha!)

Allison, A+