Exercise etiquette

A little under the weather today, can't deny it.  I woke up with my tongue clacking around in my mouth like a castanet.  I knew that I had xactly (said zackly) breath too (for those who aren't in the know:  when your breath smells xactly like a badger's butt), so I avoided Graham and cuddled up to my other love, my Blackberry.

Tonight's walk was a bit impromptu, as I had no desire to haul myself off of the couch.  When dinner was done, the boys were going to work on homework and then have ice cream sundaes.  Giving them guy time, and to avoid the sight of an ice cream sundae, I headed out into the forest...at dusk!

Here's the thing about being in the forest at dusk - it sucks.  There are only men weaving their way through the abyss of creatures, fungus, moss, trees and leaves.  Not gonna deny it, a little intimidating.  The good news is, I gunned it!

Today I wasn't so much in la-la-land, and I became very aware of this almost etiquette amongst those exercising in the great outdoors.

Here are the different man folk I encountered today, and there actions towards me:
Me man.  Me ride bike.  (nod)
Me man.  Me love wheels. (nod and grimace)
Me man.  Wife make me take kid out by myself. (avoid eye contact at all costs; balls in tatters)
Me man.  Me walk.  Me no smile. (look, but no expression)
Me man.  Me say hello.  Me say hello to your boobs. (lear)
Me man.  Me mumble something. (make creepy sideways glance)
Me man.  Me dog.  Me no pick up poop. (give sheepish grin)

Then there were the sidewalk exercisers:
Couple #1 - He smiles and says hello.  She grimaces, and quickly averts her eyes.
Couple #2 - He grunts something.  She looks ahead sternly.  He allows his dog's leash to get in my path.
Couple #3 - Heavily cologned and perfumed.  Completely consumed with selves.
Lady walking - Unsure whether or not to say 'hi'.  I say 'hi' and her face breaks into a huge smile.
Lady jogging (barely) - Eyebrow raise.  As in, oh, you're only walking very briskly.  I'm a jogger.

I wonder if sociologists have discovered this seemingly untapped world of human behaviour?!  So interesting.

Here is a picture of me after yesterday's walk, just to prove that I did some form of exercise; note the pink face.  It reminds me of primary and middle school where my nicknames were commonly formed around my skin colour:  Caspar; fog patch (which came with a loving fog horn sound); pinky; lobster, etc.  About as creative as a weight loss blog.


I almost retouched the picture, and then realized this is supposed to be about being honest with myself, and y'all.  So here I am in all my natural, red glory.  Scotland the brave!


Consumption of Mass Quantities:
3/4 cup Honey Shreddies, aka yummy squares of love (160 calories)
1/2 cup 1% milk (50 calories)
PC Blue Menu mac 'n' cheese, aka comfort food b/c I'm not feeling great (360 calories)
1 extra-strong Halls (5 calories... so unfair, I really needed it!)
1 glass of Diet Pepsi
1 tsp ketchup (5 calories)
1 tall skinny vanilla latte (90 calories)
1.5 cups vegetarian chili (recipe from my Dad's heart Doctor) (279 calories)
1 tbsp sour cream (25 calories)
10 dashes of Frank's Red Hot sauce (I put that shit on everything!) (10 calories)
1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda (25 calories)
1 litre water

Total calories in:  1,009
Total calories burned:  290
Net calories looming in my body:  719

Okay, so I won't get discouraged by the number of calories still looming in my system.  I'll just be proud of myself that I even went out to exercise, and took the time to make a divinely yummy chili, in spite of being a bit under the weather.  Yeah, that's it...

Relaxation beckons.

A+