Good news? I'm down to 191 pounds.
Bad news? I'm getting ridiculously obsessed with every last ounce of food I put into my body, as well as every little ounce that goes on, or off.
Stunning how obsessed I can get with my weight. I either don't give a shit, and end up fatter than I ever imagined I could get. Or, I care so much that my poor body doesn't get enough food.
Okay, okay. I need a better plan. First of all, last week I had insomnia for 4 days. Consequently, I didn't walk as much as I should've, or even wanted to.
When I got home in the wee hours on Friday night, I staggered over to the scale (fucked, I know) and weighed myself. I was thrilled! The scale read 190 pounds. I was so excited to reach my goal of 189 pounds by Monday's weigh-in, and then got super disappointed when on Sunday I randomly gained 2 pounds. Yep. For the first time in the last month, I put some weight on. This was extremely difficult for me to handle. See, I like to understand things, and I just couldn't understand what was happening. So guess what I did? Ensured that I ate like a piglet. Sigh. Will I never learn? We went to Cora's for breakfast and I got the Eggs Benedictine with Swiss cheese and asparagus. Even though it wasn't very hot (fuckers, I waited so long too) I ate it. Ate one point there was a slimy bit in the egg, you know, the clear jelly-like stuff that refuses to cook, and I remembered how vile eggs are. I literally gagged and almost chundered on the table.
Chicken periods!! Gross.
I was so tired from being a domestic goddess that last night we had pizza.
You'll never guess how I combatted the level of guilt: I took 2 extra-strength Ex-Lax. The funny thing is, it came to haunt me, so hopefully I won't do that again. This morning when I was back in the forest (such a beautiful day!) I actually thought I might shit myself. No joke. I frickin' motored home in a crampy, bloated panic. I'm feeling distinctly bloated today, very post-fried-peanut butter- and-banana-sandwiches-Elvis kinda thing. I tried to put on a pair of jeans that when I wore them the other day were a bit loose, and today, I couldn't even do them up! What the eff?As an aside, I noticed that every time I walk by river banks, or over bridges, etc. I look for dead bodies. Weird. One day I wonder if I'll ever see someone's bloated boo-boo?
Food intake:
2 rice cakes
1 light Babybel
1 tbsp almond butter
1 medium Ida Red apple
2 cuppas with 1% milk and Splenda
5 slices of pickled beet
I'll keep updating the food intake until the end of today, but I want to post this entry now... 'cause I'm so patient!
Week 6; must kick ass!
A+
A+
ReplyDeleteI have found that my weight fluctuates throughout the day. When I get obsessed over the scale I try to limit the weighings to the same time of day – first thing in the morning or before going to bed. This helps keep the obsession levels down and gives a clearer view of actual weight gain/loss.
Re bloating. I did the South Beach thing a couple years ago and essentially cut out all carbs for month and then gradually reintroduced the good kinds. It melted the fat off beautifully but whenever I stayed (usually a pasta dinner and not the wholegrain kind) I’d bloat up like a balloon. Usually only lasted a day or two.
Keep up the good work! And no more laxatives.
Hmm, thanks! Maybe I'll try eliminating carbs for a month. That being said, I don't really eat many as it is. Can't hurt to try though.
ReplyDeleteThanks!